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Below: my personal favourites from holymoly's site. Sadly a lot of the posters (not included here) are misogynists. You can't have everything, can you?

NEVER use the word "organic" unless talking about fruit and vegetables and other foodstuffs. It's wank. ESPECIALLY WHEN TALKING ABOUT MUSIC.

'Hidden tracks' on albums are a waste of everyone's time.

Judge books by their covers. They've been specifically designed to target a certain audience so you can pretty much tell whether you're going to like it or not.

If someone asks if you are allergic to anything saying "the wife", "work", or anything along those lines was not funny the first time it was said and won't ever be funny

Men! Sighing irritably, and staring at the ceiling while rubbing the clitoris in bored manner, as though trying to remove stubborn carpet stain, will not make us come any faster. (And considerably reduce any future chance of a blowjob).

Skin Care Floggers in Department Stores: No I do not want to try Le Beaute night cream with Active Boswelbollocks and Anti-Free Radicals at $300 a pot. I am a dermatologist and am fully aware that the skin is an excretory organ and nothing I put on it will penetrate beyond the epidermis, otherwise it would be classed as a Drug and not a Cosmetic cream. I also know that for all the good your sheep placenta mixed with napalm by-product does; I'd be better off slapping bacon fat on my face.

Until manufacturers are forced to produce biodegradable chewing gum, DON'T spit it out on the pavement. DON'T stick it under any table/desk/chair/seat. DON'T put it anywhere other than in a bin. It will NEVER disappear, and YOU will remain indelibly connected, morally, with your repulsive, bacteria-ridden piece of saliva-infused adhesive forever more.

Lazy wimps, STOP saying you've "got the 'flu" when you have a common cold. The 'flu is short for influenza, a nasty virus which can kill people, particularly the elderly and small children. If you have the 'flu, no poncy Lemsip product will help, you will be flat on your back for at least a week and not doing presentations, dinner dates or in fact anything other than lying in your bed shivering, feeling like you've been run over repeatedly by a bus and thinking that suicide would be a viable option if you had the strength to do it. If you have a cold and want to sound special, say you have 'viral pharyngitis'. I, however, will still know you are a wimp.

Never stroke a burning dog.

Never, EVER, mix sleeping pills & laxatives

If somebody is polite enough to hold a door open for you, don't silently drift through it like some visiting alien dignitary. Say Thank You.


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flex empire

relief from boredom

fourth estate


pointless but amusing

home industry

previously on flextime...

old episodes

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