To the Belvoir Theatre Company, upon your production of ‘Edmond – The Walking Cliché’, seen on September 10

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You did not tell me When I booked online That owing to renovations you had moved from Belvoir Street It was lucky we had arrived early And were not too hungry

You did not tell me When I rang to ask for directions That it was more like twenty blocks to the Seymour Centre, not two Bec’s feet were shredded Despite the crazy cab ride we eventually found

You did not tell me Anywhere on your website That the play, Edmund, was about a walking cliché The whole urban male alienation in society thing Is utterly tedious

You did not tell me That it was set in New York circa 1975 Even if it has been a well written play about a sexist, racist prat Having a hissy fit at life, What made you think that Sydney in 2005 would give a toss?

You did not tell me That at least three scenes consisted of monotonous haggling Over prices with prostitutes One would have been enough Don’t you think?

You did not tell me That there would be a scene in which a black person Played by a white person with an Afro wig, Would be kicked to the ground Spat on, and called a coon

You did not tell me That the clumsy, unsubtle point over the mercifully short hour Was that he starts off a sexist, racist, homophobic white collar man And ends up in prison with a black, male lover. How profound.

But you did give Bec some much needed bandaids For her poor feet That was nice Just lay off the drugs In the programming meeting next time, OK?

UPDATE: I think this review says it rather elegantly Claudia has just pointed out that I should be drawing more attention to the ELEPHANTS link on the right, which I found via Zoe. Do look, it's compelling, for more than any lousy play.

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