Happy Valentine's Day

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Happy Valentine’s Everybody! I give you the best of the west - The West Australian’s Book of Love. ADAM aka GOOBYLICIOUS ATTENTION EVERYONE! Ad is the most wonderful, loving fiance a girl could ask for. To all those who missed out: SUCKED IN! I got him & I'm never lettin' him go. Ad, I love u to the ends of the earth. Thanks for making me your poncey. Love Noo xx. Till Adam shags the bridesmaid at your wedding, they build a freeway right next to the marital unit, your tits start to sag and the kids start showing signs of learning difficulties. But at least you'll still have this little framed classified ad on the wall, reminding you that that the rest of Perth got SUCKED IN! AGU Happy Valentines Applebelly. Love Lisa with the big t/s. Applebelly? t/s? wtf? ALEISHA Goodbye beautiful I treasure the time we spent together, you have made me a better person. Please do not be sad. Please continue to share your beauty with others. I won't forget you. Aleisha, go and bring the bunny rabbit inside now, then lock all the doors and windows. ALEXANDRA Happy Valentine's Day! Love, Daryl xxx P.S. Elle, check with Qantas QF648, departs on Wednesday 15th February. Daryl, Mate. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I don’t think you should have mentioned in your message of love to Alexandria that you’re running off with Elle tomorrow. Chicks get pissed off about stuff like that. ALI All I have to say is let me in Love, Moulder Ali – yes, this does constitute a breech of the restraining order. YVONNE To my beautiful wife. I know sometimes I drive you mad but my heart is in the right place, right next to yours. Love you with a passion. Joe Yvonne – you could have had a new pair of shoes for what he paid for this ad. Doesn’t that drive you mad? ZIGGY I watch you from afar. To me you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen LOVE TAXI Could this be a new lead on the Claremont killings? Those beautiful girls that just…got into a taxi and were never seen again. WILLIAM (Will): Still want a sister for Ryan? You say I'm stunning in tight pants, your just as stunning. Our kid would be! I CAN ignore name tatt on your behind. I'm serious now. So, what's with our friends joking about you and a large brunette? Lucky we know you - BIG ladies??? Aliens haven't altered your mind, have they? You gave us a laugh, my Valentine. S Does anyone know a divorced man named Will with a son called Ryan? If so please get in touch. I need to know what the name tatt of his behind says. Dispatches from the Functionally Illiterate: WALDO, hello, do I no u? To the world u r one person, to me u r the world. I love u from top 2 tootsies. Will u dakonk with me? Happy Valentine's Day my Frogalet. Love always, Bobbette xoxo SOPHIE (my chicken) To my angel, u r me n i am u tgthr we r sophir! Love u to the moon & back Kabir I actually think there could be grounds for some kind of class action against mobile phone manufacturers and the subsequent destruction of written English they have wrought. Sandra "I want Bitty' I HAVE LOVED U FOR 26+ YEARS AND ALWAYS WILL CLIVE XXX “I want Bitty” – the adult male character in Little Britain who is still breastfed. Sandra – I don’t know whether Clive is your son or your boyfriend but it’s just never gonna work. SARITA If I've confused you, I'm not sorry, because you are and always will be too beautiful [sic]! The respect and desire I have for you, I accept the choice you have made is perfect. So I wish you both all the love and happiness our world has to offer. Trust me everything is going to be fine. With my integrity and my honour as my witness, never think for a second that I will ever forget you. MZ Sarita- "Yeah, it was confusing, a lot of it, actually. The late night phone calls, the dead squirrel on the lawn, the hearts drawn in blood on the laundry door. But I'm beautiful, I guess that's how it goes." SEXY India, Lemur, Oscar, Victor, Echo, Uniform Fleurbear x Alpha Bravo, India, Lima, Lima Tango, Hotel, Echo, Mike, Echo, Delta Victor, Alpha, Lima, Echo, November, Tango, India, November, Echo! SEXY REXY I luv ur hugs, I luv ur kisses, But most of all I luv 2 catch those fishes! LOVE UR PRINCESS xoxox Rex Hunt – you thought getting beaten up in Byron Bay was bad. Don’t ever come west. SHELLE We seem to have grown somewhat apart. But just let me say that I love you, always, right from my heart. DYLAN There aren’t many problems that can’t be put right with a poem, I guess. SHER, let's forget last year and start again. Happy Valentine. Love Markus. Markus’s brother’s baby is so cute, Markus is glad Sher didn’t go through with the abortion now. STACY S. Wen u get older u work out your mistakes an more importantly the big regrets we all make. I've been alone 2 long an know my biggest mistake an regret. Mine was letting my true love go. Stacy I Loved u the moment I saw u, an fell in Love 12 hrs later. I'll neva stopped loving u, an I wont let u go again that easily. The song "Truly, Madly, Deeply", listen again 2 it bcause I've stood on mountains, but not yet with u. I should have travelled 2 Europe with u an I'll be travelling again, hopefully with u. There' s a mountain i need 2 stand on with u. There's not enuff words 2 tell u how I feel since 1st meetin u, I c u every nite an day in my head, I would say all my heart and soul but u have them already an always will. Life's 2 short not 2 take that extra step so let's take it together b4 we r given "wings". U know who this is, ring me 0437 157 528 u know I Love U an i hope i know u well enuff 2 know u feel the same deep down. I hope this reaches u as i dont know where u live xxx HAPPY VALENTINES ::Speechless:: STEPHANIE East Cott, 2 dogs, Mandurah High. I love you Stephanie from East Cott with one dog is sobbing into her pillow as I write. GINA. If I don't hear from you within the next 15 years I will assume you're not interested in me. I'm sorry but I have run out of patience.Love always G.T. Yeah, I think it will be safe to assume she's not interested if you don't hear from hear until 2021. GODDESS MMMMWWAAA Will send TV repair man round to take a look at your set and check out internals so you get the picture. Then you'd better watch it. I will do the fine tuning and any adjustments needed. You can give me a hand with antenna. Oh my. LOVE COMFY Kinky! I caught you a delicious bass... IF it's the same for you, I'll just hang. Friends forever Love Kasey We have to take out a fricking ad now? And give them a fish? What happened to just not calling? INGA For some years now we have grown together and I have observed you. Today, if nobody else, I can testify to what a remarkable woman you have become.You epitomise the strength and integrity that men and women aspire to, confronting every situation that's been difficult. You can stand your own and speak your mind. You exercise thought and practice intelligence. You're always honest (no matter the consequences) and don't think twice for fighting for what you believe in. You don't fall prey to social custom or expectations but seek truth and understanding in the quest to define yourself and who you really are. For all your pain; your many tears have brought you depth of wisdom and understanding in life's lessons. You've stood in the face of adversity and spat at it. You've done it the way many cannot (for lack of courage)...ALONE.What makes you beautiful is your inept* ability to be yourself...naturally. You are comfortable; with no fear, facades, charades or pretension. Most importantly; you have learnt that to truly love, one must first love thy self.Be proud of yourselfyoung lady. Smile and enjoy your day. xoPS: Keep up the "tough bitch'' act, it suits you! Yeah, he loves her honesty, really. *SIC!!! IVAN Remember that club sandwich, our long passionate hot summer nights ...Are you ready for more...call me I love you Elaine Must have been a bloody good club sandwich! And this, dear internet, is my Valentine Smoochie to you!

9 Responses to “Happy Valentine's Day”

  1. Anonymous Helen 

    Thank you for picking out the truly awful ones for me so that I didn't have to read the rest. :)

  2. Anonymous Cheerbear 

    Truly hilarious! You picked out all the best ones. They say true life (or in this case true love) is better than fiction.

  3. Anonymous BlueBolt 

    I loved the valentine you sent out. That rocked.

  4. Anonymous Emma 

    So happy to have amused! Over for another year, thank goodness...

  5. Anonymous Ashlee 

    Sadly enough Valentines is actually more popular and more beat up here in the UK than in Australia... very glad it is over for another year! I went to some tacky thing at the uni bar where they had traffic light stickers... I mean, ick, I'm single but I'm not that desperate!

    But I must say these ads are bloody hilarious!

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